but everythingmeans nothing.

Sunday, November 30, 2003
Hi... today's my 4th year anniversary with Dear.. well.. nothing much.. spent the day quite normally.. spent most of the time in the arcade.. Watched Brother Bear.. okie lah.. not as good as I expected.. Also.. Brother and Mother went to pick the car.. confirm the RX300 and heard that it white.. dunnoe.. I was not there.. the decision is all up to them.. I tot I could escape work since my dad didn't mention about it these few days.. But.. I juz got the news.. After my dad is back.. I have to work.. So.. I couldn't escape.. can I?
if i ain't got you|11:16 PM|

Saturday, November 29, 2003
GUess wad? I finally bid the car plate number I want!! Hahahazzz.. BUt my dad called from China and said that the RX300 out of stock and the stock will only arrives before Chinese New Year.. but the IS200.. I can get it as early as next week.. Dunnoe lahz.. it depends on my parents.. both also good for me.. Lolz. as long got car to drive can already.. Hmm.. juz chewcked my results.. bloody server.. cannot work.. anyway.. did better than I've expected lo.. but not so good also lo.. muz work harder next time.. wahhaha.. finally have a peace of mind.. =p.. dun ask me about it.. I will never tell u.. wahahhaa... Good day everyone!
if i ain't got you|12:18 AM|

Friday, November 28, 2003
Alright... this is the 5th day I am having my sore throat.. It is very weird.. coz normally I will be recovered in 1-2 days time.. And for that 1-2 days time.. I didn't drink as much water as the amt I drink now.. Arghzzz.. It's getting worst.. I will be getting my car bidding number results at 4pm and school results on 12.00am. Haiz.. feel like spending my whole day outside... then reach home about 11.00pm plus.. then slack around to wait for the moment.. wahahha.. so that I won't think so much at home.. My mother woke me early juz to ask me to check my bidding results.. until we realised that they only release at 4pm... My mum saw someone selling our desired number in the newspapers and we are kinda anxious.. coz if we couldn't bid the number.. we will buy the number from someone else.. So.. I guess.. in both ways.. I will benefit.. Yesterday met Celeste first.. then we went to J8 Pasta Mania to eat.. ate my favourite.. Banana chocolate pizza.. brought memories back.. then when we went to my house.. Jovin had arrived.. then after a while Lindy arrived.. We spent quality time together and catch up some our life.. Hell.. miss them so muhc.. wahaha.. might be goign out with them next week again..
Bernice is coming to my house at 10 plus... well initially I tot it was kinda early.. but I'm awake.. so how bad can it get? Alright.. Have to go and lvl up my character...
if i ain't got you|8:55 AM|

Thursday, November 27, 2003
Well... still feeling sick..I do not have headache anymore.. however.. my throat seems to be worst.. My voice changes and it still hurts somehow.. Anyway... I went out with dear today.. had a lunch with him and went back to his house and fetch his mum to Carrefour. HIs mum wanna buy some things... and anyway it is more fun to shop in city. =) Got angry with dear once.. coz I find that whenever I am driving.. he is stressing me.. like telling me "I should do this.. I should do that..".. haiz.. this is not the first time already.. angry over driving stuff.. I juz need support.. I know I have been all the lessons but practise makes perfect doesn't it? Juz give me more time dear.. (that's why smtimes I hate to take the wheel.. I rather take the MRT to save trouble).. As usual.. we bought lotsa stuff.. opps.. should be Dear's mum bought lotsa stuff.. yapz.. and we had a hard time to carry from the car to their doorstep.. But it is fun though.. When I've reached Ernest's house.. I did some simple housework for them and went to watch TV with Dear, while his mumc was reparing for dinner.. Well.. his mum really cooks very well.. Ate until very full.. hehezz.. went home at about 10 plus.. Overall.. the day was alright.. I really miss Dear.. haiz.. my results are coming out.. maybe I juz ask someone to read for me.. dun wanna see.. I dunnoe lahz.. maybe I dun even want to see... wait for my bad news.. and HOLD! Dun say I can do it le.. Well.. I did the paper and I know very well how I perform.. I only can count on my luck..
if i ain't got you|3:19 AM|

Wednesday, November 26, 2003
I was dreaming.. many ppl were after me.. and I kept running endlessly.. I ahte this kinda dreams.. they always made me very tired when I woke up.. and they are kinda scary too.. Well.. Heard that if I have ever dreamt of of ppl chasing me.. means that I am running away from my problems.. but right now.. I couldn't think of any.. I dunnoe why this kinda dreams always appear at the weirdest times.. Well.. I am anticipating tomorrow!! Coz I am seeing my secondary school friends.. U should know them.. Namely Celeste, Yan Rong, Lindy and Jovin.. Kate couldn't make it becoz of her training.. Haizzz... but I hope it will still be as fun.. I guess we have lots to catch up.. :) Miz Ya Girls..
if i ain't got you|9:11 AM|

Should be sleeping now.. but I am enjoying my bowl of maggi mee as usual.. Lolz.. anyway.. stayed at home for 2 full days so there's nothing to blog.. Reason being I stayed at home coz I was not feeling too well.. Yepz.. ate panadols but still have headaches.. It didn't stop at all.. and so now I am swithed to my brother's headache medicine.. Hope that I will feel better by tomorrow.. Feeling very down these few dyas coz results are coming out.. I feel so sianz.. I think I willl really enjoy only after my results are known.. sianzz. I really have a bad feeling this time.. this is for real.. dun think I will get any distinctions this time round.. I also think that I will get Band 2.. Haiz.. enough of it manz.. Anyway.. my mother asked me not to face the computer too much becoz of my headache.. now wad.. Hahaz.. blogging like nobody's business.. I wanna get well man...
if i ain't got you|1:13 AM|

Monday, November 24, 2003
I was so tired last nite.. I left the Grandparent's Dinner early and drove home, together with my sis and maid.. The performace was alright.. was I got bored after a while.. I think last year's performance was better.. After I came home.. I called and tok to Dear for a while and weny to sleep.. It was kinda early.. Then I woke up in the middle of the night.. Had a bad sore throat and my whole body was aching.. feeling very warm.. I guess I was very heaty.. Didn't sleep well the whole night.. When I woke up this morning.. I was feeling very warm and giddy.. My throat was feeling betta then.. So sad.. holiday still feel sick.. I guess this time I play until dunnoe how to take care of my health. In the afternoon.. took a nap for 3 hours.. hahahzz. trying to recover.. so I can play more.. Wahahahaha...
if i ain't got you|7:55 PM|

Sunday, November 23, 2003
I am dead beat.. so tired.. Later I have to go for some grandparent's dinner.. but before that will be celebrating my grandpa's birthday.. Haiz.. If you have played Sims before.. Well.. I have already used 3/4 of my energy.. Yapz.. almost dozed off juz now.. BUt now I have to go and take a bath.. Anyway.. My sister got her PSLE results yesterday and she performed well.. scored 237 with 1 A* and 3As.. yapz.. abviously bettea than me and my bro's PSLE results.. Lolz.. Happy for her.. MIne is this comng Saturday.. Haiz.. dun feel like knowing it.. coz I dun think I am doing well. Anyway.. gotta go and prepare now! Ciao!
if i ain't got you|5:46 PM|

Thursday, November 20, 2003
Well.. Very tired... very confused.. I dunoe.. I kept playing FF XI.. so as to keep my wilful tots away. I will be staying at home the whole day today.. coz My bro's friend is coming to dix my computer.. dun ask me why it took so long.. I also dun understand.. but I really hope he will fix it by tonight.. Dun think I will be blogging the next few days.. unless smthing happen. I think this week will pass very fast.. Anyway.. did I tell u tha I saw Mo Xiao Ling in Orchard? Well.. she is really very thin lo.. but quite good looking.. I think she looks better in real person. ;).. when I played FF XI.. some ppl helped me.. hehezz.. and I've also tried to team up with ppl.. Damn cool.. no choice, first time playing online game.. so abit of ---. Anyway.. been up to Level 7.. tough to level up.. have to kill many monsters.. now earning gil too.. Hey ppl.. should play.. this is a nice game.. but muz first do homework.. But I didn't. =)
if i ain't got you|4:02 PM|

Wednesday, November 19, 2003
Liew... installing FF XI now.. damn slow.. coz lotsa procedures and when updating the files.. it take hell of a long time.. Sians.. anyway.. Saw Jasmine today.. this is the 2nd time I saw her in Orchard.. Hahaz.. both times with her bf and with mine too.. LOlz.. the other time was in Marina Square Arcade.. Anyway.. my dad seem to rush me for work.. might be starting next week.. coz have to familiarize with the clerical stuff.. sianz le.. then if the project starts.. I will be only the female there! Hey.. it's nothing interesting man.. all ah peks.. what's there to see.. if got shuai ge.. then nvm lahz.. feel like dragging someone with me to go and work.. but then I dun think they need anymore help.. Dunnoe lahz.. the pay nice nice can liaoz.. Lolz. The best part is that I will move into Marina Square.. and my dad says I could go there shop shop after work.. Wahahahaa.. Maybe could call some friends to coem down after that.. Haiz... very sleepy liao le.. but still have to wait till the game is installed..
if i ain't got you|12:14 AM|

Tuesday, November 18, 2003
Will it be a nice day today? Hmm.. I dunnoe.. But gonna get out of da house today.. I love staying outside.. staying at home will only make me worry and day dream.. My dreams could go very wild.. How wild.. U decide. =wInKz= Anyway.. I was kinda bored yeasterday coz I was cropped up in the boring house.. Nothing to do except to watch TV the whole day. No computer? Yea.. still yet to be fixed.. My computer is really a chore.. I guess it is time to borrow some boks to read.. but.. haiz.. feel like borrowing all at one go.. but it needs $$$.. although I could get it back after I return.. but the problem is will I ever return them? Wahahaha.. I always have this tendency not to return.. Juz had my morning bath.. feeling refreshed.. LAst night.. dreamt about taking exam papers again.. SiGnz.. I gusss it becoz the results are coming out.. it's on the 29 Nov.. I don't want to know.. I juz wanna know if I've failed any.. But it is impossible.. Hmmm.. I am craving for ice-cream..
if i ain't got you|12:13 PM|

Monday, November 17, 2003

<<>>???What Kind Of Angel R You???<<>>( Anime Pics )
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your shit.
What swear word are you?
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if i ain't got you|1:27 PM|

The wedding dinner was great.. could see how my cousin loves his wife... so envy.. It was really a huge crowd and people kept flodding in when I reached. My brother and some of my cousins were busying showing the guests their tables.. well.. I won't deny that some of them corked up.. sitting at the wrong places.. but overall.. it went well.. Good Job ppl~~ My brother took his digital camera and took some photos.. went around any possible relatives to take picutres.. and most importantly.. he has to be in the picture.. Wahahaha.. Anyway.. I started to drink wine.. It doesn't have any effect on me.. so I drank beer.. I dunnoe how much I drank.. coz the waitress kept refilling my glass.. But true enough.. at the end of day.. I felt weird.. seems like the world is swaying here and there.. but I am still conscious and knew wad I was doing.. I dunnoe why.. but my mood seems to get better or rather I juz can't think about those sad stuffs. I think that's the reason why many ppl would want to drink to forget their problems temperory.. BUt I guess it won't be a habit to me.. The "high" feeling was actually great.. and seems like you are not scared of anything.. Lolz.. Suppose to go fishing with dear today.. but my brother's friend gonna come to moi house and fixed the computers.. so I have to stay put at home.. Anyway.. my dad asked me if I want to work.. Coz the company is going to renovate Marina Square.. starting 7 Dec.. I might be working as a clerk.. Dunnoe leh.. If work hor.. then really very busy..
if i ain't got you|12:12 PM|

Sunday, November 16, 2003
Wedding is hours away.. But I juz can't bring myself to smile, laugh and enjoy. Everything is solved and over.. but why do I still feel so upset? My eyes still hurt, but I've stopped crying. I am trying my best, and I always manage to be happy no matter what. But I am not so sure this time.. Maybe I have already fallen so deep... I would like to extend my million thanks to my friends.. so far, Celeste, Shannen and Benji had consoled me. I am grateful I have such wonderful friends. Don't worry, I won't do anything to harm myself.. LOlz.. Cause I have good friends like them to live on. =)
if i ain't got you|1:45 PM|

I will be glad if someone will pass this message to him.. But I know.. he will never know.. Why won't I tell him? Well.. I don't think he will never understand how do I feel deep down. I am feeling very aweful.. wanted to continue sleeping.. but having a great headache.. How am I going to attend the tea ceremony later.. I look very aweful too.. I am having bloodshot eyes now.. And it's very clear that I cried alot last night.. I don't want my parents to know.. Maybe I will juz give the tea ceremony a miss.. Wedding.. but if I go.. it seems like smone had died..
if i ain't got you|7:45 AM|

This message specially goes out to my dear:
Wad you did really breaks my heart. I dunnoe why.. but I am truely sorry if I had misled you. I am feeling paranoid about such things coz I am really afraid of losing you. I have already tasted the feeling of losing you and god damn it.. those were the worst days of my life. And I do always believe in you, if not, I would not have given so many chances to this "almost-impossible" relationship. Yes.. there are times when I suffer in silence but I would juz put it behind me. I have always believe that you will make it one day.. if not.. I would not have stayed on by your side.. for 4 years. 4 years is really long.. and you know we have endured much. So wad if all my family members disagree to our relationship or even despise you? I don't care. There are many other better guys out there.. but I still chose to be with you. Why? Cause I love you. At times, your words really hurts and somehow or rather, I believe that you love me thru your mind and not your heart. But all these thoughts.. juz vanished when I am with you. I know some of my other friends are scolding me stupid and stuff.. but I still don't care. What other stuff you have told me.. truely disheartening. I am really at loss. Now.. at times.. when I cry, I cry silently and I never told you. Cause I rememebr you telling me. U hate to see me cry. Whenever you suspected it.. I try to deny as much as possible and came out with some lame excuses like I am having a flu or I've juz yawned. I never love a guy so much in my whole life before. I've thought of dying.. Yes.. I did say that dying for a man is stupid. But I die.. it's not becoz it will lessen my pain.. but I will think that it will bring lesser suffering to you without my presence. Most importantly you must be happy. I love you dear, please don't leave me like you did 2 years ago. You promised me. And I still trust you baby.
if i ain't got you|3:31 AM|


Which [Charlie's Angels] characters are you?

Are you easily stressed?

What's your usual [mood]?

Is the glass half full or half empty?

Which [5 Elements] are you?
if i ain't got you|1:42 AM|

Saturday, November 15, 2003
Well.. juz came back from my cousin's house.. And there are lotsa ppl there.. I saw balloons everywhere.. the car was halfway through decorating.. It was sweet and nice.. Lolz.. Well.. wonder when will it be my turn.. Wahahazz.. Anyway collected the FF XI today.. Cool man.. it was expensive though. Ate in the food court at Sim Lim Square.. quite nice.. Then I went down to Marina Square to play arcade.. After that.. Went to this Malaysia Tour Fair at Suntec Convention Hall.. the tours were kinda cheap. Sianz man.. dun think can start the FF XI soon.. coz my computer you should know.. and now.. my bro's comp also have some problems.. HIs drive seems to disappear.. Dunnoe why.. Is always like if one of the computer has problems.. another one will follow up.. STANDARD! And so unfortunately.. I am always the first to kana...
if i ain't got you|10:11 PM|

Liew... I was so addicted to The Sims until I played until 6 in the morning.. woke up at 1130.. coz My SCV Box have to be fixed.. Finally.. even though there's no computer.. at least I have TV to watch.. Wahahaa... The Sims is not as easy as I thought.. PLayed so long and get a small minimal amt of fame.. I am playing the SuperStar series.. can't install Makin Magic coz my harddisk space not enough.. I wonder I play so much for wad.. in the end my computer is gonna be reformatted and I have to replay again.. Hahhaazz.. later will be going to collect the FF online game.. damn exciting~ Lolz.. no need to sleep again.. Oh yah.. For my Sims.. I dunnoe why.. I bought only one dog and my bro asked to buy another coz it will be lonely.. and ya know wad happen.. The 2 dogs keep mating non stop.. and now I have 4 dogs in the family? Wad the.. Lolz.. Oh Well.. My dad decided to change my Lexus into RX300.. Well.. no comments.. I anything one.. as long got vehicle to drive can already.. BUt that RX300 is really big lo.. Ask me this small person to drive jeep.. A bit.. u know.. funny.. Then my dad did smthing funny today.. he sms-ed me~ Yea.. I tot he didn't know how to sms ppl.. Lolz.. only ppl sms him.. Hehehzzz... asked me if I am free to see the jeep today and choose the colour.. Well.. I sms=ed him back that I am not free today.. maybe tomorrow.. Lolz.. Haven't really decide wad colour.. too many choices.. Well.. suppose to call Cheng Kwee yesterday but I didn't.. well.. reason being that when I was home it's already 11 plus.. Well.. I am really sorry for that.. Well.. still have about 2 weeks to go before my results will be released.. Hmm.. everyday have been thinking now and then.. I know that I've told myself not to be bothered by it and play.. But I juz can't help thinking about it.. Tomorrow's my cousin's wedding.. Congrates!
if i ain't got you|1:50 PM|

Alright.. My computer was kinda "halfway" fixed.. I spent 3 hours outside with my brother.. waiting for my computer to be fixed.. Alright.. kinda happy that I got it back today.. however.. my harddisk space kinda shrunk.. I dunnoe why.. Well.. gotta reformat again.. Lolz.. I dunnoe lahz.. feeling very tired.. when I needed my computer the most.. It crashes on me.. Bahz.. Anyway.. wen to Sim Lim Square today.. Final Fantasy XI online game is out of stock everywhere.. Lucky for me.. I found a shop.. stock coming in tomorrow.. reserved for 2 pieces.. Phew.. Tomorrow have to go and take. Hahaz.. I guess my TV will be fixed tomorrow.. It's actually the SCV BOx.. problem with it.. Damn it. All my files are cleared form my computer.. haiz.. luckily not so bad.. Finished my school projects and stuff.. so not so bad eh..
if i ain't got you|12:14 AM|

Thursday, November 13, 2003
It's so unfair.. HumPhz.. I bought the set of Sims and at this point of moment.. my computer crashed!! Arghzzz.. now in my brother's room.. Checking mails and stuff.. and glad that I can leave a note here.. =) Now my sister is enjoying the game of Sims.. Haiz.. I went out shopping today.. bought a dress.. and few more clothes.. bought sandals too.. Haiz.. SCV got problem.. computer also got problem.. dunnoe wad to do.. Tot I would play Sims the whole night? Sianzzzzzz... haiz.. maybe gonna sleep early today.. Coz woke up earlier than expected.. juz to go shopping.. haizzz...
if i ain't got you|10:41 PM|

heya...Well.. well.. well.. tomorrow will be a shopping spree with my Mother and Sis.. Hahaz.. wonder what will I buy tomorrow.. Lolz.. Hai.. damn sianz.. today kana approached by the Prudential (Dunnoe if the spelling is this way).. got smthing like student plan.. Looks interesting and beneficial.. but have not decided whether to sign up yet.. Hheez.. my genius friend Yiluan made a blogskin.. and it's damn cool.. take a look yea? I will place it under fun stuff.. HmMMz.. also.. a new fellow has joined in.. Lolz.. Saifun.. yeapz.. take a look at his blog yea? Damn cOoL~~
if i ain't got you|1:09 AM|

Wednesday, November 12, 2003
Well.. watched a movie yesterday. Dead End.. Well.. kinda happening.. kinda gruesome.. NC-16.. wad do u expect.. some pron stuff and violent acts.. not exactly violent for this movie.. juz that the body parts are not intact stuff like that.. Shitz.. I was not feeling well.. HAte to see these kinda stuff.. wonder why I agree to watch this movie.. Anyway.. I got the matrix cup.. Lolz~~ Dear knows that I love it and he bought the MAtrix Combo.. Wahahahaa... Yapz.. didn't seem to glow in the dark.. but ti is okie! Lolz.. Now my friends have been finding work.. and now I am here slacking? Make me itchy only.. feel like finding work.. Damn sianz.. but I told myself that this sem really muz play man.. But the problem is I have 8 weeks of holiday but how am I going to spend it? Haiz.. I can't possibly juz plan every now and then.. Go out also need $$ man.. Luckily I made a pact with my mom.. I told her that if I work.. she has to give me pocket money as ususal every week.. Lolz.. and she said okie.. Alright.. BUt noramlly when I work.. I seem to have more money.. Lolz.. maybe becoz I didn't go out and spend and money keep coming in at the same time.. Wanted to work at some high class bar with Shannen.. however.. my parents are not confortable with it.. And most impt.. Dear dun allow.. Haiz.. Well.. sad sad.. next time fated to do 9-5 job.. Damn sianz le.. Woke up late today.. wahha.. didn't want to get up early.. Today's only Wednesday.. time really crawls.. and I love it!! hehehzzz... Good luck to anyone who are going for job interviews!!

You are Love.
You love life, you love all those around you and
the world that you live in. You are happiest
when you are doing something for someone else
or for the common good of mankind.
What Emotion Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
if i ain't got you|12:17 PM|

Tuesday, November 11, 2003
I tot I would have a good night's sleep last night.. but it turned out to be funny.. Ya know wad had happen? Sub-consciously.. I am memorising notes.. Yes!! So sickening.. after a while.. Iwhen I was conscious enough.. I'vre realised wad stupid things I was doing.. then I stopped.. Then it came back shortly after.. I started to memorise in my dreams again.. It's so tiring.. I wonder why is it this way.. Furthermore.. when I get into bed last night.. I fely kinda guilty for not touching any work.. Then I tot to myself again.. "Hey! Exams are over? Wad's there to touch?" BUt I juz couldn't help the sense of guilt which is overwhelming me~~~ Maybe I am not used to not doing anywork.. I guess I really need some tuning... Today I will be going out with Dear.. hope that it releases some tension of mine. I dunnoe why.. but I hope today will be fun. I seriously need a break.
if i ain't got you|11:25 AM|

Monday, November 10, 2003
Yay!! My exams are over! Finally! Hehezz.. Well.. collected the class jerseys today and we all wore it and took some wonderful pictures! Yea! It was fun.. although the weather was kinda humid! After the taking of photos.. I went to rebond my hair.. Well.. the funny thing is that I booked an appointment with a Lady named Ailin.. and in the end.. 5 people managed my hair~ Woh! and Ailin only did some trimming, one round of washing.. and the first round of applying cream which is only for half of my head.. the other half was done by another lady.. most of the work was done by one male hairdresser. Cool.. after that went to dear's house and have dinner.. Well.. Dear's mum bought a blouse for me..which I think it's very nice.. Hehehzz.. I was kinda surprised and embarrassed.. Hehhezz.. thanks! Well.. today was not so much of fun.. today's resting day.. Tomorrow is when the fun starts!!
if i ain't got you|9:58 PM|

Sunday, November 09, 2003
Haiz.. so sianz.. anticipating the moment.. feel that time really crawls.. Anyway.. change of plans.. hehezz... I will be rebonding my hair tomorrow! Yes.. tomorrow!! Hehehzz.. HAd alrady booked an appointment with the hairdresser and it will be in NorthPoint Kimage.. First time going there to do.. dunnoe how would it be like.. My cousin says it's good.. so I shall give it a try.. I have to be there by 4.. and rebonding takes a couple of hours.. hope that by then Dear will be back home.. so that maybe I could have dinner with him.. Otherwise.. I will juz go home and take a rest.. Juz now.. MY brother had ordered the Final Fantasy Online XI.. I think.. hehezz.. can't wait to play.. furthermore.. my mother might be buying the set of Sims for me.. Yapz!! There's a new set.. Magic Making I think.. hahaz.. I can't wait! On Thursday.. going shopping with my mother.. shop for something to wear at the wedding.. Haiz.. Hope I can find smthing I like.. Hmm.. my anniversary with dear is coming.. I dunnoe wad to give.. maybe smthing small.. "broke liao".. so have to save.. Hmmm... HAve a few ideas.. but not really practical.. So I hope I will not be engrossed in my games too much until I forgot about this present.. Dun feel like studying anymore.. juz feel like go to the examinatin hall and chiong the last round.. Too bad the paper is in the faternoon.. otherwise.. haiz.. can let off earlier.. OH Yah.. tomorrow my class will be geeting our jerseys.. a few comments.. some said the colours are dull but some says it's not bad.. I dunnoe yet coz I've not seen it yet.. Msged everyone to stay back after school tomorrow to wear and take picutres.. Couldn't wait for that moment!!! LOlz.. Wish me luck for tomorrow's paper!!!
if i ain't got you|9:50 PM|

I remembered that I was preparing for my first paper.. Business Environment and form that day onwards.. I keep complainging how miserable I was.. and today.. I will be revising my last paper.. well.. It's not that time flies.. howvever, I'm glad that it's gonna be over soon.. I've realised that wad made me so "anti-exams".. it's becoz I dun have any confidence.. Well.. maybe I didn't try my best.. When I feel negative about exams.. There's not way you can push me into studying.. But luckily a part of me made me move on and survive this period.. I've thought for a while.. and wanted to decide what attitude should I put into my studying for next sem.. Continue to work hard or slack? I tok to Seet Wei yesterday.. he told me that.. now you will seem to feel very stressed.. however.. if you achieve good results and u look back when you started working.. you will feel worth it.. Well.. it's true.. Even now.. when I looked back during my secondary school days.. I feel that those days had shaped my thoughts about studying.. I've come to this far? Can I really juz give up like that? I dunnoe... There's a part of me... Expectations.. yes.. I won't allow myself to give low expectations? This word has make me so miserable and desperate.. the thirst for great success... I wonder if I am crazy.. but That's wad life is all about.. Aiming for goals.. meeting for expectations.. After this sem.. I wonder.. will I have the spirit when I was in Sec 2? Cause.. there's a drive. And I will be the enabler.
if i ain't got you|11:07 AM|


You are Form 0, Phoenix: The Eternal.
"And The Phoenix's cycle had reached
zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. He
emerged from his own ashes, to be forever
immortal."
Some examples of the Phoenix Form are Quetzalcoatl
(Aztec), Shiva (Indian), and Ra-Atum
(Egyptian).
The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life,
the number 0, and the element of fire.
His sign is the eclipsed sun.
As a member of Form 0, you are a determined
individual. You tend to keep your sense of
optomism, even through tough times and have a
positive outlook on most situations. You have
a way of looking at going through life as a
journey that you can constantly learn from.
Phoenixes are the best friends to have because
they cheer people up easily.
Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
if i ain't got you|1:34 AM|

Well.. a heart has been broken.. and it is sad.. After looking at the situation.. I found out how lucky I am.. still with dear after such a long time.. I've learnt how to compromise and tolerate.. I tried my very best to console him.. and he did feel better.. Luckily he still have a group of good friends.. who are willing to stand by him. Go Guys! Well.. After today.. I really feel so much better.. after tomorrow.. freedom will come to my way. I am very happy.. I could see that some of my friends' moods are lightened up.. and I am glad that colours are coming back into theirs and my lives. I met my dear again.. and I've realised that it has been a long time I meet him.. I feel so much better.. coz I am finally socializing with a human rather than a stack of papers.. Yan Rong, Celeste and Lindy are watching the Matrix MArathon.. guess I am not really the "crazy one"..WAhahahaha!!! I think now it is about the ending of the first sequeal of MAtrix.. coz it starts at 11.30pm.. yapz.. Hahahzz.. Also.. I bought the LIME magazine. qith Keanu Reevs POster inside!!! Hehez.. Dear bought it for me.. I wonder where will I place the poster? Hmmm..
if i ain't got you|1:05 AM|

Saturday, November 08, 2003

Your aura shines Red!
What Color Is Your Aura?
brought to you by Quizilla
Alright.. Did a samll revsion juz now.. Dunnoe why.. couldn't sleep well last night.. Keep thinking about the SQL statements and stuff.. And I woke up ealier than I should be.. Damn sleepy.. HOpe later I still have the concentration to do the paper.. Haiz.. Still no confidence in this paper although I"ve did my best. After today.. I guess my life is already back... MOre colours I suppose.. Hahhaaz.. Then I think I will only be back to studying tomorrow.. MOnday's last paper.. Wooh! I can't wait for that day to come!!!
if i ain't got you|6:40 AM|

Friday, November 07, 2003
My revision seems to be finished but I am still kinda nervous.. I dunnoe why.. Maybe tomorrow gonna wake up early to revise again? But my paper is 8.30 am! Hehez.. finally .. an early paper.. After tomorrow.. really can relax man.. Coz the IPTN (last paper).. teacher gives alot of tips.. and seriously.. he could have given us the exam questions.. Lolz.. Haiz.. damn sianz... Dunnoe wad will be the paper like tomorrow.. wad if it is like the finance paper.. Then die lo.. Tomorrow might be fetching my hamsters.. Lolz.. coz Dear going to "HouseBerg" on the 9th.. and will only be coming on 10th.. late evening.. So I could take this excuse to bring those rascals home.. Lolz~~~
if i ain't got you|11:14 PM|

Ah.. life's so sianZ.. today is back into study day again... but I am not in the study mode yet.. Arghz.. after yesterday's paper.. it seems like it is useless to study for other papers again.. coz I'm afraid that things will turn out the same.. especially tomorrow's paper.. tomorrow also have to pray hard man.. otherwise.. "die".. Yapz.. Anyway.. Dear went to CMPB to check up again.. the other round when he went.. he has high blood pressure.. so he had to go there again to check up.. This time it is successful.. and he is in Pes (dunnoe if this is the right spelling) B!! Yay!! And heard that he might going into commando and artillary! Yay again!!! Hehezz.. Why so happy? Coz this is exactly where he wants to go in to..... then I made fun of him.. I told him that good lo.. next time go arcade and play those "shooting" games can save money already.. Lolz.. Anyway.. he sounds very happy over the phone.. I was happy for him too.. But I dunnoe when will he be going in? Haizz... Heard that he will be signing up for a 10 year bond.. howvever can break the bond at the 5th year.. Yepz.. Wadever his choice is.. I will support him! Hmmm.. it's already 10 plus.. suppoe to be studying.. ShuCks! Alright.. think I better go.. GoOOd luCk ppL!
if i ain't got you|10:16 AM|

Thursday, November 06, 2003
There's a saying.. "Practice makes Perfect" My ass. Yes... my ass.. for this paper I took juz now.. Practice how many times also no use.. It's juz a waste of time.. I've realised that I should have used most of my time watching TV yesterday.. I'm sure that even without practising.. I will still get back the same results.. you want to know why? Coz the ones I've practised.. didn't come out at all... Well.. at least most of them.. This time.. the lecturers tips are UNRELIABLE! Wonder who is the idiot who gives those tips.. Hahazz.. who knows might be the "big airhole" lecturer... Lolz.. Well.. yes.. I'm bias against her.. From the start! Wahaha.. NOt many of my friends like her too.. Anyway.. it's over.. ironically.. I am not as upset as I should be.. instead.. I am more relieved that the paper is over.. Although my results might be "down hill" this time.. but at least I can try to improve next year.. LOLZ.. Anyway.. the duration of one a half hour juz now is really hell.. It is an ultimate shock to me.. I was like shifting from one questions to another.. coz is like my head is "blocked" can't really think of anything.. SO far.. this is the most difficult exam paper I've taken.. including for the past few semesters.. Hahaz.. so I can only pray for miracle.. Lolz..
if i ain't got you|6:48 PM|

Did practise abit while more and try to memorize some theory stuff.. haiz.. not much can get in to my head at the last minute.. If in exam.. it comes out those theory questions I dunnoe.. Arghz.. then forget it lorhz.. I think I will use my own words to crap around.. Lolz.. hope it is successful enough. Hahahhazzz.. Did sleep well these few days.. in fact I wake up before my expected time.. Why? Coz in the morning.. when my sister goes to school.. my mum and her will make hell alot of noise outside my room.. IMgaine my sis room is directly opposite mine.. Damn sianz man.. This moring also.. haiz.. want to sleep more also cannot. After this paper.. AT least can relax for a while.. maybe only start the next paper revision tomorrow? For one whole day? Hope it is sufficient enough.. Now it's only 9 plus.. about 6 more hours to go.. Maybe I shall practise more before I go to school later in the afternoon.. Wish me luck alright? HEy!! I didn't slack okie.. I did my best! MAtrix Revolution is out... cannot watch.. Haiz.. so sickening!!!! Oh yah honey.. I love you.. ;)
if i ain't got you|9:40 AM|

Wednesday, November 05, 2003
Everything
The lonliness of nights alone
The search for strength to carry on
My every hope had seemed to die
My eyes had no more tears to cry
Then like the sun shining from up above
You surrounded me with your endless love
And all things I couldn't see are now so clear to me
You are my everything
Nothing your love won't bring
My life is yours alone
The only love I've ever known
Your spirit pulls me through
When nothing else will do
Every night I pray
On bended knee
That you will always be
My everything
Now all my hopes and all my dreams
Are suddenly reality
You've opened up my heart to feel
A kind of love that's truly real
A guiding light that'll never fade
There's not a thing in life that I would ever trade
For the love you give and wont let go
I hope you'll always know
You are my everything
Nothing your love won't bring
My life is yours alone
The only love I've ever known
Your spirit pulls me through
When nothing else will do
Every night I pray
On bended knee
That you will always be
My everything
You're the breath of life in me
The only one that sets me free
And you have made my soul complete
For all time (for all time)
You are my everything (you are my everything)
Nothing your love won't bring (nothing your love won't bring)
My life is yours alone (alone)
The only love I've ever known (oh no, no)
Your spirit pulls me through (your spirit pulls me through)
When nothing else will do (when nothing else will do)
Every night I pray (oh, I pray)
On bended knee (on my knee)
That you will always be
Be my everything
{chorus repeats}
Every night I pray
Down on bended knee
That you will always be
My everything
Oh my everything
***** Dedicated to... you know who.. =ChUcKs= *****
if i ain't got you|11:41 PM|

Duh.. finally finished the first round of revison.. WITHOUT theory concepts.. damn sianz le.. feel like giving up the theory part.. memorize and memorize and memorize.. also dunnoe for wad. HA! Anyway.. I really do hope I can do well for this paper.. It's my "only hope".. but see the things have to cover.. too much.. Haiz.. difficult to get an A also.. I dunnoe wad time will I start my theory part.. Anyway.. the paper was alright for me today.. I think I am more confident about this paper than my first paper.. Anyway.. over already.. dun want to think about it.. My paper starts at 4.30 pm tomorrow.. Luckily got more time to study.. this time I really need it! Haiz.. how I wish exams are over now.. I can watch TV like nobody's business and play computer.. Go clubbing (*oPps) etc.. Wadever lahz.. as long no need to look at the notes can already! Hehehzz.. NOw I've already prepared wad to do for my first few days of holidays.. But first.. after the 4th paper on Saturday.. my class is going down to Penisular PLaza to get the jerseys! YAY! HOpe can take photo on the spot... if not.. MOnday after exams also can.. OUr whole class planning to wear jerseys to school on MOnday.. Maybe after school on MOnday.. might be going out with classmates( I dunnoe).. otherwise.. maybe going out with my sister.. Lolz.. to watch Martix! In the evening.. maybe.. MAYBE only.. if Ernest can come back from "HouseBerg" in time.. Can meet him for dinner.. Ya lOhz.. Tuesday.. might be straight to rebonding! Hahahazzz.. Asking Dear to accompany me..(He betta be).. then maybe go and shop for dress for the wedding dinner I suppose.. On wednesday.. If I didn't go out with my sis on Monday.. I will go out with her on this day.. either watch Matrix or Brother Bear.. Lolz.. the restof the days haven't plan yet.. but soon.. !! HAHAHAH!!! I can see light is shing on me.. I feel so fortunate..(NOT!)
if i ain't got you|10:09 PM|

Yoz.. good morning ppl.. Surprised that I woke up early? Hahazz.. not studying lorhz.. still come here to blog.. Lolz.. Dunnoe leh.. for this paper.. I am not so anxious as before.. NOt becoz I'm confident.. is more of like anxious also no use.. I've tried my best already.. Oh Yah.. I've place a nice clip (Kiss) funder the "fun stuff" section.. MAke sure go and watch it k? IT's a very touching love story.. For love, you can sacrifice alot.. YApz.. It's so touching that I cried... Hmmm.. I wonder will anyone love me that much? But of coz I hope this tradegy won't occur to me.. Had weird dreams yesterday.. couldn't make out wad is it.. but it's nonsense.. Lolz.. think too much I guess...
if i ain't got you|7:34 AM|

Tuesday, November 04, 2003
Duh.. changed my blogskin.. too stressed up.. nOThing to dO maN~ Ya lOrzh.. anyway.. Yesterday my paper.. Haiz.. dun wanna tok about it already.. It's over.. It's over.. never expect much also.. tomorrow I will be having another paper.. E-commerce.. lolz.. Then the next is BUsiness Finance.. that paper no joke man.. "DuN pRay pRay~" Ya lOrz.... wish me luck okie? aRgHz.. Damn sianz.. now having headaches again~~~ dUh!
if i ain't got you|9:35 PM|

Monday, November 03, 2003
My exams are staring in a half and hours time.. and I am feeling hell giddy.. I dunnoe why.. It started yesterday.. A crazy idea had came over me juz now.. Take MC.. Wahahhahaa... but ain't worth it.. I waited so long for this day! I dunnoe it's becoz that I had my last mean at 2 yesterday? Since then I have not been eating anything solid.. JUZ drinking milk.. I juz have no appetite.. This exam is killing me.. Also.. I am kinda worried.. I dun feel like reading anymore.. read and read and read still the same.. Wad the hell.. This is th first time I complain so muc about exams.. Stll, I feel lucky that I didn't continue in JC. After entering in poly.. I've realised that life is not only about studying.. is about playing too.. Woh.. after haveing that mentality.. I hate studies and exams to the core.. YES.. I HATE it! The reason I go to school is becoz of my friends.. not STUDIES.. I muz be mad man.. Hell.. if my results drop.. dun blame me yea.. Blame those f*cKing ppl who invented exams exams and exams.. I am 18! And I want happiness!! I don't want to study for heaven's sake. Why am I doing tutorials and stuff? Coz I am OBLIGE to do so! Why do I try to score Aces in the past? Well.. It's becoz of you PPL!!!! NOt Myself!! Coz u all look down to ppl who score badly!! I hate u ppl to let me think that results are everything.. I hate u ppl for only noticing me when I get good grades..... Wish me luck.
if i ain't got you|11:01 AM|

Sunday, November 02, 2003
My menses came last night.. and it was late for about 3 weeks I guess.. the same as the previous.. Well.. the irregularity of it can tell you how stressed am I.. Yes.. Whenever I am stressed or worried.. my menses will be late.. Haizzz... NOw I am exprencing heavy flow.. it's not really a good sign.. coz I will be easily tired and it affects my performance in exams.. NOw I am having giddy spells.. sianzzz... Anyway, I went to my UNcle's place juz now.. supposing to have dinner.. but then I didn't take any. NO appetite.. worrying for my exams... Then I saw some of my elders.. writing wedding invitation cards.. Yes.. my cousin is getting married! The funny thing is that, the couple are not the ones writing it.. And I guess on that day.. at least about one third of the invited people will be considered "unknown" to the wedding couple. Shaking hands and say "Thank you for coming.." HAhaazz.. Anyway.. Becoz of all this exams and shit.. I have no time to do my hair and didn't have a proper attire to go along with the wedding.. Their wedding dinner is on the 16 Nov. Maybe I will juz rush everything after my exams.. Hmm.. Should I rebond my hair or make it curl? Not the curls I had done before.. but those big wavy curls only at the tail of my hair.. Haven't really decide.. BUt I tot.. If I wanna curl my hair.. Dyed will be nicer.. but too bad.. I am not allowed to dye my hair.. Haizz.. DUnnoe lah.. maybe after exams see how..Hmm.. Maybe I ask Dear to accompany me to buy a dress for the wedding, or maybe My mum to provide me with the finance! Hahahahazz.... They are arranging their honeymoon to Japan.. during December.. Hmm.. and they asked my other cousins along.. I wondering.. HoneyMoon.. shouldn't be juz the couple? I was somehow reluctant to go.. due to "dunno wad" reasons.. Then when I said I wanted to go.. My Mum say see first, coz might be going to Shanghai. Dunnoe lahz.. Everything is not confirmed.. I already had a half carton of Aloe Vera-White Grape.. It's very nice.. especially the pulps.. nice to chew.. You all should try it.. It's from Peel Fresh.
if i ain't got you|7:59 PM|

Saturday, November 01, 2003
=DaH= Damn slack.. SLACK!!! Cannot already man.. MOnday's my exams~~~ HOw sad can it be.. HOw patheitc.. It's night again.. and I am stressing again.. Emailed tutors.. also never reply.. wad the..... Or maybe purposely dun reply one.. Bad BAd~~~ But nevermind lorhz.. dun care liao.. juz study wadever I can.. Most Importantly in Band 1.. that's all I ask for.. die la die la.. still bloggin over here.. still dun go study... sianzzzzzzzzzzzz
if i ain't got you|10:24 PM|
